When two individuals fall head over heels in love, they’re in love with both who they see in one another, or who they suppose they see, or who the particular person is presenting themselves to be. Usually, they fall “in love” with how they’re being cherished slightly than how a lot love they really really feel for the opposite particular person.
However except they’ve every completed deep therapeutic work on their fears of rejection (the worry of shedding the opposite particular person) and their fears of engulfment (the worry of shedding themselves within the relationship), inevitably these fears will emerge within the relationship. After they do, controlling habits additionally emerges.
Whether or not it is overt management (such because the anger or blame that come from an anxious attachment style stemming from a worry of rejection) or covert management (such because the compliance, resistance, or withdrawal that stems from an avoidant attachment style), controlling habits erodes in-love emotions.
Retaining the love between you alive implies that, when your fears of lack of different or lack of self emerge, you determine to make the most of the connection to study and heal slightly than to guard in opposition to what you worry together with your varied types of controlling habits.